Interstate 40

My older brother lives in Nevada. He drove home for Thanksgiving and was (understandably) reluctant to turn around and drive back alone. So out of the kindness of my heart, I volunteered to split the drive with him...and what a long long LONG ass drive it was: 2,000 miles, 32 hours, 2 packs of cigarettes, 37 Redbulls, and 2 iPods (one of those is an exaggeration).

We weren't stupid enough to try to get it done without stopping, so in reality we were on the road for about 41 hours including an overnight stop in Amarillo, TX. In hindsight, the drive was pretty rough... but only in hindsight. During the trip, I was perfectly content to look out the windshield and watch the tree-covered, rolling hills of Georgia melt away. First came the faded grasses on the prairies of Arkansas and Oklahoma, then the windmill-dotted plains of Texas, the striking red mesas and deep canyons of New Mexico that eventually grew into snow-capped mountains and thick evergreen forests in Northern Arizona, and finally dropped and flattened into the nearly barren desert of Nevada.

While I watched the landscape slowly transform, I was more relaxed than I've been in months. There's just something so simple about a road trip. Committing to traveling along one road (in our case) for 2 whole days makes every other care fade away. Our only obligation for 48 hours was to drive from point A to point B. If we had really felt like it, we could've turned off our phones and ignored everything but road signs and gas stations. I didn't think about the bills I had to pay in a week, the laundry I'd left behind, the rough nights I'd had at work... and if we're being perfectly honest I didn't think much about my health either (greasy fast food, lots of cigarettes, waaaaaay too much caffeine). I just rode or drove along and chilled the hell out. My brother and I shared music and standup comedy, we told stories, we talked about everything from the past to the future, we laughed at things only we would laugh at, we just existed in that tiny little space together for 2 days. I would say we got to know each other, but he already knows me better than anyone on the planet and vice versa. Driving with him made the whole thing a helluva lot more enjoyable.

My point (WHOA! One of my blog posts has a point?!!?!) is don't underestimate the power of a good road trip. I found the experience to be cathartic and refreshing. My head can't wait for the next one, but my butt and legs definitely can.

Brain Power

Oh how I love my thinks. Those first five minutes every morning, when I'm awake but but before I actually get out of bed, I think. When I'm tossing and turning at night before I fall asleep, I think. When I'm driving by myself. When I'm smoking a cigarette alone. I think.

I think all sorts of things. Winning the lottery... not just what I would buy, but the entire process of it: realizing my numbers match, claiming the money, the very first restaurant or store I would go to, etc. I think about being a superhero, and how I would make it work in my normal life. I think about my favorite books and movies, what I would do in the character's place. I go on all kinds of adventures in my head. I call them my "thinks."

I have favorites that I replay often. Being a vampire like Edward Cullen is a vampire (not evil and bloodthirsty, but with all the superhuman powers)... I would make so much money serving if I could read minds and had a perfect memory... Another favorite: rock star. Oh yeah, I'd be the hottest rocker out there, and I could get all the tattoos I wanted! (and I'd be super talented and awesome in general, of course. This is my head we're talking about.) My all time favorite is, hands down, being a secret agent/assassin chick. Not James Bond, more of a Bourne or "Wanted" style. I think the idea of being dangerous and good with firearms is what draws me there, not quite a "save the world" mentality.

My thinks can be the best part of my day sometimes. I believe everyone on earth would be better off if they daydreamed as often as I do.

Musica

I get obsessed with music. I'll listen to one song or one artist or one album on repeat for days. Right now, my speakers are graced with the sounds of miss Sara Bareilles, specifically Kaleidoscope Heart. Holy cow, this album is uh-mazing. "Uncharted" and "Bluebird" are knocking my socks off, and of course, "King of Anything" is the most amazing "screw you" song towards anyone who tries to control your life. Poor Jake.... if he asks me to help with the dishes or move his laundry from the washer to the dryer, he gets "Who made you king of anything? You dare tell me who to be? Who died and made you king of anything." Of course, nobody I know is trying to control my life, so I can't really empathize with Sara's lyrics, but that doesn't mean I can't jam like a madwoman to this song.

That's really all I've got today. Go buy some of Sara Bareilles' music, she's brilliant.

Oh wait, I'm going to Chicago on Thursday. I'M SO FREAKING EXCITED. I have loads of family up there who I don't get to see enough. The real icing on the cake? My almost-one-year-old twin cousins who I haven't met yet. They are the absolute most adorable babies I've ever seen, and I can't wait to play with them!!! So yeah, I'm counting down the hours at this point (59hr, 42min until we land in Chi Town). Woohoo vacations! Lord knows I need one... in eleven consecutive shifts, I'll have worked ten by tomorrow night. Yeeeah, I'm kinda tired. But it's worth it! A vacation isn't very much fun if you don't have money to frolic about with. Jake's never been to Chicago, so I'll be taking him to all the awesome tourist-y places (think Ferris Bueller's Day off), so the extra cash from all this working will rawk.

Ok. That's really all now.

Another crazy waiting story...

I can't make this stuff up, folks.

"Lady Gaga" we'll call her. She was in her mid-late thirties with blonde hair in a messy pony tail, a very tight, very short zebra print skirt, a very tight, low cut black top, knee-high boots with 2 inch heels. This woman was absolutely insane. She sat down at my table alone at a little after 11 (opening). She was in the back room of the restaurant, and no one else was sitting back there yet. Things started off fine, with a glass of ice water and her request for a few more minutes with the menu. I didn't think much of her, she was fiddling with her Blackberry and her expensive-looking purse when I dropped her water off, but when I went back to the table, the crazy had emerged.

She asked some totally random menu questions about things we didn't even serve, and was rude when I misheard something she asked, responding with an icy "that sounds nothing like what I said, why would I ask that?" Her attitude was sarcastic but also just polite enough that I couldn't say she was out of line. She had a way of staring at me after an incredibly vague answer, making me feel awkward and confused.

She was so beyond normal, I didn't know what to do with her. I tried to ignore her as much as I could, but she made this impossible. She finally settled on eggplant parm, salad and bread. I brought the salad to the table and wandered off to finish a conversation with a coworker. As is the standard, I returned about 5 minutes later to check on her.

"I don't mean to complain, the food is excellent, but um.... could you bring me some warm bread?" This was nothing too crazy, some people prefer super hot bread, her request was not the first of its kind, so I oblige without a second thought. As I'm returning with the warmer bread, her eggplant parm has finished cooking and another server had taken it out to the table, only a few steps ahead of me, so she's standing at the table with the food as I'm walking up. Crazy lady proceeds to complain about literally everything, her drink, her salad, her bread, the food all at once to both of us. The other server and I exchanged looks, then took all of crazy woman's dishes away from her and returned to the kitchen, rolling our eyes. I tracked down a manager and sent him over with a fresh water, but the crazy woman said nothing of her complaints to him. By the time I managed to satisfy her culinary needs, I had been sat with another table. I checked on the crazy woman a few times as I passed back and forth to the new customers, and her responses were just... I mean just really weird.

"Is there anything I can get for you?"

"The food is excellent."

"....o....kay......"

(this one was my favorite)

"I see your napkin is on your plate, are you through? Would you like any dessert today or just the check?"

"what?"

"Um... are you done eating? Would you like--
"I'm just waiting on you, sweetie. You can bring me the check whenever you like." I can't describe to you what she was like, unless you can understand what "Luna Lovegood with a bitch streak a mile wide" would be. She said the most routine things with such hostility, but she didn't seem angry with me, just mildly dazed and patient. It was the most confusing thing ever.

When I dropped off her check, I also grabbed some dishes from my other table. When I walked back by, she had the check presenter open and was studying the bill inside.

"Are you going to be my cashier today?" (with that bitchy Luna smile)

"Yes, Ma'am." (I live in Georgia, don't hate)

She then fumbled in her wallet and so I waited, assuming she wanted me to hurry up and accept her payment right then, but this turned out to be a mistake when she glared at me with the most furious expression. I jumped, then hurried away. I was shocked by her anger; there was no cause for it. I'm telling you, this was no mildly irritated glance, this was a go-to-hell, mouth open, brow furrowed, chin extended kind of look.... I half expected her to snarl.

I screwed up her change because I was so flustered, counting a one dollar bill as a five, shorting her $5. She took the bill and the money to the manager, and he hunted me down, heard out my explanation, and accompanied me to rectify the honest mistake. I owed her $10.90, and instead of going and breaking a dollar down to ninety cents, I just gave her the two fives and the whole dollar and walked quickly away to return to whatever I had been doing, leaving the manager to deal with the crazy. He later told me that the woman "looked really pissed" that I gave her a dollar instead of change. I told you, she was crazy. However, she left me 2 bucks on $9.10... that's not a bad tip at all.

She left me a tip! If crazy people can leave 20%, so can YOU, America!!!

Don't Mess with Geek Squad

Some butt hole stole my brand new phone.... yes the very same phone I was gushing about a few posts ago. It was stolen out of the women's restroom at my place of work within a 5-10 minute time period. I went to the bathroom, sent my boyfriend a text, set the phone on the shelf above the toilet paper holder and left it when I went back to work. I went back after I realized it wasn't in my pocket and it had vanished.

After confirming that no one had turned it in and a few minutes of panic, I called Jake and told him what happened. I then had to finish my shift, which took about an hour. I came home at 10:15pm frustrated and helpless. What could I do? The person who took it deserved to be punched in the head, but I had no idea who she was. I was angry enough to throw a full fledged hissy fit, but I had no one to scream at. I know it's just a phone, but it's the principal of the thing! Don't steal from people! Most certainly not from people who can't afford to replace what you take! You're a bad person, Ms. Phone Stealer. Ok, now that that's out of my system, here's the fun part.

My very very smartphone has gps capabilities. And the very very smart people at Google have invented this fun, free app called Latitude. You and your other smartphone carrying friends can view each other's location on Google Maps, accurate to within a few yards. My very very smart Geek Squad boyfriend, Jake, has an iPhone... and he immediately knew what to do when I called him. He logged on to latitude and starting watching the blue dot on the map that indicated my phone's location.

He watched the dot on the map sit in the restaurant's location for about 2 hours. I had only been home for about ten minutes when the dot moved at 10:30pm. It was now hovering over a shady part of town, which is no surprise. It moved again to a vague spot on a road still in town. Then it moved to rest on an apartment complex about 10 minutes away from us, where it stayed for a while.

I was just angry enough to go around knocking on doors at 11pm, but since that wasn't the best idea in this particular apartment complex, we called the police department and they sent an officer over to discuss our options. He told us that there was nothing he could do, since we didn't know what apartment it was in, and suggested we take our story to the detectives, who are allowed to lurk about and ask questions. Although they wouldn't be back on duty until 8am the next day.

The signal from my gps didn't update again, but it stayed in one spot long enough for the detectives I spoke to the next morning to seem very interested. I guess cops like taking cases where most of the work is done for them. At a bright and squirelly 10am I walked into the Police Station and gave every piece of information I had to 2 detectives, one of which (coincidentally enough) works security at Ms. Phone Stealer's apartment complex. He didn't seem too familiar with the building indicated by the gps, but he said he had enough to go on. Fingers crossed and hopes high, I left the Police Station and tried to think positive thoughts. I was leaving the mystery up to more capable people than myself.

I dropped by Best Buy to update Jake on what had happened, and told him to keep an eye on his phone, because I had given his phone number to the detectives. I then dropped by the restaurant I work at and told the manager there (who hadn't yet heard about the previous night's drama) what had happened and gave him Jake's phone number in case someone brought my phone back. Restless and anxious, I returned home to read some 1984 for my other blog, but ended up taking a nap, since I only slept for 3 hours the night before.

I started awake at the sound of someone knocking forcefully on the door. I opened it to find Jake, smiling and smug, obviously too flustered to bother digging out his keys. As soon as he saw me, he said

"Get your purse, they've got your phone at [my place of work]."

I was shocked and excited, and as I rushed to put shoes on, I got the story out of him.

"They called me at 4:oo and said that the phone's location had been updated, and it showed up at the restaurant. The detective called the managers and discovered that an employee had turned it in, saying she found it in the one-room employee bathroom (a lie) and that she had intended to turn it in the night before, but never got a chance (another lie)."

In fact, I had seen this girl walking in to the bathroom as I walked out after leaving my phone, and she was the first person I asked when I realized it was missing. She lied to my face twice when I asked if she had seen it or if she saw anyone take it. I was surprised to find out it was a coworker, and pretty bummed that I would now have to press charges against someone I know, but I was no less angry at her.

Jake and I met the detective in front of our apartment complex office and he gave me my phone and explained how they found it. She had, in fact, taken the phone back to work to turn in (probably because she couldn't figure out how to use it), but after lying to the managers and the police, AND taking my 16gb micro sd card (with all 10,000 pictures of my cats and my progress on Angry Birds, fml), I have no sympathy for her. She had multiple opportunities to fess up and avoid serious trouble, but she missed her chance.

I am so incredibly relieved to have my phone back. Thanks to Jake's quick thinking geekiness, my dear smartphone is once again in my possession. And you can bet your butt that I won't be leaving it anywhere but my hand, purse or apartment for the rest of its life.

Hooray for happy endings!!!!

The Library

I love going to the Library. It's the best. Everyone there is so friendly, it's quiet, and it's filled with books!! I love to wander among the shelves filled with dusty old books and find the oldest, most beat up copy of the book I'm looking for. Old books are the best. Especially really old hardbacks.

I went to the library today on a mission. I've decided to commit to a project this summer. I will read my way through the 100 best novels, as decided by these guys. I'm gonna blog about it! But I'm starting a new blog for that, and keeping this one for my random rambling nonsense posts.

If you want to read along with me, or know anyone who does, check out

www.flyingbookshelf.blogspot.com.

K, I gotta go read now. Bye.

Technology Rocks.

I had a Droid Eris for about a year before I skipped to the bowling alley one night and dropped it without noticing... needless to say, by the time I realized I was missing the phone, it was long gone. So I've had to use my old enV Touch, which is a great phone, but it's not the smart phone I'd been using. It's been a depressing few months with the older phone.

HOORAY!!! Today I was finally eligible for an upgrade on my account! I got (for FREEEEEE!) a brand new Samsung Fascinate. I love this phone. It's got a big pretty screen and lots of great features. I'm so happy to be connected again! Email, Facebook and Pandora are all at my fingertips once more!

I tried to be satisfied with the knowledge that I wasn't as addicted to my phone as everyone else, that I could be partially unplugged and still be happy... but I won't lie, I love to be constantly in the digital loop, and I missed having a smart phone. It's such a handy tool for people like me... Arguing with a buddy about the origins of a particular brand of rum? SMART PHONE! Need directions to a restaurant downtown? SMART PHONE! Need to be endlessly entertained by slingshotting little birds into pigs? SMART PHONE!

Yes, life is good today. I have a new toy. But what should I name it?

I went to a rave.

For those of you who don't know what "dubstep" is.... imagine a band of robots playing hard rock... without the instruments. My boyfriend absolutely loves this music. One dubstep DJ in particular, Rusko, played at a venue downtown last night which Sully and I attended.

People do a lot of drugs at these kinds of shows.

They dance like maniacs and wear outrageous outfits while they hold glowsticks and stare at the flashing lights on the stage and suck on lollipops. It's actually a whole lot of fun to watch them. They don't really care if anyone is paying attention to them, or they assume everyone is watching them because what they're doing is amazing and perfect... either way it's a free ticket to judge people openly. Don't get me wrong, it's all love and happiness and dancing in the air, not the kind of place a big fight would break out (maybe just a dance off), and it's definitely not a negative atmosphere. But looking around at all the people so obviously under the influence of various substances makes one giggle a bit.

So there I was, in the middle of a very large, dark room packed with sweaty, shirtless guys and girls in knee socks dancing with glowsticks while the bass from the speakers literally shakes the floor, and as the hundreds of drugged up people jump and sway to the beat, the floor heaves under my feet and feels like its about to crumble... Sully and I nursed a few beers in the back while the show got started. Then we met up with friends and followed them into the heart of the swaying crowd.

At first, I was a little uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do with my hands, and I couldn't really see the stage, so I didn't know where to look. Then I started to sway with the crowd, and I felt the music pounding in my chest and I followed the rises and drops in tune with my body. I was sober as could be, but I was dancing as intensely as the shirtless guys around us.

There's just something about live music that makes people unite. Even if the genre isn't our favorite, when we're surrounded by fans and immersed in the performance atmosphere, we let loose. People headbang, fist pump, thrash dance to live music. We go crazy for our favorite bands. There's nothing better than that memory of your favorite concert, when your favorite band played your favorite song and it was awesome. So last night, even though I normally get a headache from that kind of music, I was completely lost in the moment and enjoying every second of it. Never pass up the opportunity to weave your way through a crowd full of happy, hyper, dancing people and dodge flying beach balls and glowsticks swinging from strings. It's a jolly good time.

As for me, I just crossed something off my bucket list, and it was just as awesome as I hoped it would be.

Easter

My mom gave me a giant chocolate bunny for Easter. It is now the day after Easter and all that's left of the bunny is one of his feet. I like chocolate.

That is all.

Crap. I'm acting like a grown up again.

This is getting bad. I cleaned today. Like really cleaned. I dusted. I vacuumed. I organized my desk and my closet..... I think I'm coming down with something. My dear laptop sat here all day, whirring and clicking in a most tempting way, but I didn't even care! I think I had some sort of seizure or fit. There's no other explanation. I never clean like that.

Well, ok, that's a lie. I used to do it 2-3 times a week when I lived in Florida. But that's only because my roommates were slightly messier than I was (which is hard to imagine now, because I'm the messiest person I know). Now Sully is a different story. I say he's a neat freak, but it's more of an OCD thing than an inherently tidy nature. He'll notice something is dirty and ignore it for a few days and then explode into a full fledged cleaning marathon. It's fun to witness, although it makes me tired just watching him. He'll fly around the apartment like a tornado on opposite day... leaving behind order where there once was chaos and dirt.

Today, victory is mine. I was the tornado today. When Sully comes home from work, he'll see that everything is clean and pretty, and maybe he'll be able to veg out and relax for once. Although... I didn't make the bed. It's pointless. It's much too comfortable of a bed to avoid for long.... it'll get messed up in an hour anyway. So if he wants to make the bed when he gets home, he can go right ahead. I think it's a stupid practice and I really don't understand WHY people freak out about the bed being made... anyway, he can make the bed but that's the last not-cleaned thing in the whole damn apartment.

I have tomorrow off too... I don't know what I'm going to do. The whole house is clean, all of my laundry is done, my friends are working or out of town... Maybe I'll get crafty and make stuff. Maybe I'll write 30 new blog posts. Maybe I'll go to the gym.... hahahahaha yeah right.

I know! I'll finally beat the last few levels in LEGO Batman! That will be satisfying, seeing that "100% completion" icon. I like finishing things, even if I rarely do.

I may be acting like a grown up, but I'll always be a kid at heart. HOLY CRAP I HEAR THE ICE CREAM TRUCK. kbye.

Music in the dark

Jake's asleep. It seems very peaceful in this apartment with no overhead lights on, the cats asleep on the couch beside me, mellow music turned low, barely audible over the rhythmic sound of my fingers across the keys... just me and my laptop in a silent apartment. These late hours are the most sacred ones. When everyone else is asleep, there's no one around to impress, to pay attention to. I can get lost in my own thoughts, nothing to distract me. For the hundredth time I toy with questions about my future. What do I want to be when I grow up? Am I already grown up? Should I be disappointed in myself for the way I'm living my life? Should I be striving for more? Or would it be ok if I just lived this life for a bit while I'm still young enough to be carefree? My mind chases itself in circles of speculation and "what if" scenarios.

Funny thing is... I just tried to start typing "I'm so happy with my life right now," but I can't seem to make it ring true. I'm not necessarily unhappy, but I'm certainly bored. I don't have many close friends, my job is a complete dead end, I'm not pursuing any higher education, I'm not a parent or spouse... the only dependents of mine are the furry, four-legged kind. So what now? Where do I go from here? I don't know the answer to my own question, but I do know that this isn't it. This is not the climax of my plot line. I know there is more that is well within my reach, but I've yet to uncover the motive to reach for it in the first place. Does that make me a typical American? Too lazy to do what would come easily? Or does that make me very un-American, that I'm not driven to achieve the American dream that is sewn into my genes? Either way, I'm a 21 year old girl who waits tables for a living but breezed onto the Dean's list in all 3 semesters of college I completed... I didn't drop out because I was lazy, I dropped out because my life fell apart, and though I keep telling myself that I've gotten it all back together... is that really true? I seem to have stumbled along the way and dropped my ambition. I wanted to be a journalist, a reporter... I wanted to have my eyes in ears in all the best places. But now, waiting tables for the rest of my life doesn't sound quite as bad as it used to. I'm a little scared.

How many people lose themselves in a time of crisis and never really recover? But then one could argue that people are evolving all the time and no one can ever find themselves because it's impossible to lose onesself in the first place. I cringe to think anyone would accuse me of quoting Ke$ha but, alas, I must.

We are who we are.

I'm in a good mood today.

I went to a party last night. It's been a while since I've gotten together with a group of friends like that, so it made it even more fun. I had to work at noon (I told you I love this job), so I got enough sleep to sober me up, but I was exhausted at work. Luckily, I got off at 3, came home and crawled into bed. I played some Lego Batman after my nap. I love those games. They're just really cute puzzle games... and c'mon folks, some of my favorite things in life are Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter and any and all super heroes. So that put me in a good mood. Then Sully got home and we hung out all evening and ordered pizza. Now I'm facebook stalking my friends and listening to mellow music, relaxed because I don't have to work until noon again tomorrow.

I have fun plans for the weekend. Sully is flying out to Vegas to see my brother, so I'll be having a few girlfriends spend the night for a girls' night in. Friday I have plans to go to a concert with my buddy Josie, and Sunday I'm having lunch with my mom and grandmother for my grandmother's birthday. An action packed weekend! That's rare for me these days!

So I'm in a very good mood. Like I said, karma. Bad car wreck.... awesome new job and happy life. :)

More fun with dreams...

I had a dream the other night. Somehow, I was back in junior year of high school but I knew I was time travelling... like a memory in the Harry Potter pensieve thing, if you know what I mean... and you'd better. So,I was back in my 2005 body, but my mind was still in 2011. And of course, as dreams go, I wasn't really freaked out to be there. I was standing in my old Biology classroom, trying to remember where to sit.

Did I sit by Marshall in this class? Or was it Amy? I sat over in that seat for homeroom, but where did I sit for this class???

When I finally sat down, I started smiling to myself.

Those two are married now, but they barely even know each other's names right now! Oh, wow, she's so skinny again... Ha! Steven.... oh the fun we will have in another year or so...

Everyone seemed so young and fresh and naive, even though I remember how intimidated I used to be by all of them. The boy a few rows back from me used to make my life hell, but all I could see was his acne and poor fashion sense. The girl on my left was my first friend in that school, but I haven't spoken to her since graduation.... it went on and on as my eyes went to each person in the room and conjured up some dusty old memory of them. It all seemed so long ago to 2011 me, but it was happening right now. Trippy. The bell rang and we changed classes.

Now it was senior year, and I was standing in the art classroom, trying to remember where I sat. I looked over and saw Lexi, the girl who was the dearest friend I ever had, and I miss her so much every day. We became friends senior year and stayed close through college, and I when I moved down to Florida for a summer, she went with me and we had the most incredible summer of our lives. Sadly, boys, money and typical girl drama bullshit ended the friendship, but I wish more than anything I could have her back in my life... But I digress.

So I see Lexi sitting there, and I go over and sit across from her. She leans across the table and whispers "is this where we sat back then? I can't remember...." I realized that she must be time travelling too, so I whisper back "yeah, right here. This is the class we met each other in, remember? And then we have to sit at Lunch together and talk about the Amanda and Brittany crap, and that's how we become best friends!"

The whispered conversation continued, and we were both keenly aware that we weren't staying in the past for long, so anything we did had to be exactly the way it was done in 2006, or else we'd wake up and our lives would be totally fucked up. Kind of like that Butterfly Effect movie. We talked on and on about what exactly had to happen, and then everything fizzled away.

That was really all there was to the dream. When I woke up, I was so overwhelmed by everything I'd just seen and felt. Mostly just amusement , but in the very front of my mind was my longing for the friendship I had lost. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until that dream, which is sad, because it's been almost 2 years since we called each other "best friend." She was my sister, my other half, my puzzle piece. We cried on each other's shoulders after breakups and laughed at crazy stupid TV shows and texted all day and got drunk together and got high together for the first time and she was literally the first person I told when I lost my "v-card" in high school.

The really sad part about this story is that its probably too late to even partially mend things, let alone get back that friendship we used to have. We talk every once in a while these days, but she lives hundreds of miles away now, and we both have very full lives.

I haven't had a friend like that since Lexi. I have friends, some of which I'm very close to, but she was my sister. There's no other way to say it. We weren't just besties, we shared a brain.

I miss her.

"it looks like a damn tostada on your head!"

"can i have your numba?"

"se-curity"

"WHY don't you love me ANYMORE?!"

"don't be mean to KAIT!"

"This time we're not giving up. Let's make this last forever. Singing Hallelujah, we'll make it last forever!"

Adult-iness

I feel like such a grown up. I don't like it. I'm only 21! I'm moving to Neverland or something. (Not MJ's house... the Peter Pan one). Get this: I signed up for dental insurance today... dental insurance. Can you think of anything more boring and adult-y (not to be confused with adultery, because that's really bad.)?? And I've been going to the gym. Bleh. I hate exercise. But for some reason, I love going to the gym! What the hell is wrong with me? And don't say I'm "growing up" because then I might vomit. I'm comforted by the fact that I spent a good 20 minutes talking to my cat yesterday. Even if I grow up, at least I'll always be crazy. Dental insurance. Ugh.

Oh, and I signed up for life insurance too. Don't tell my mom though, because she's my beneficiary. If I die, she'll get 20 grand.... so if I turn up mysteriously dead.... you'll know who to investigate.

I just started a new job (still waiting tables, but for a better company) and it seems like a pretty sweet setup. I mean c'mon, they offer even their part time tipped employees health, dental, vision, life, and disability insurance... so they must like their employees at least a little bit. MAJOR improvement from my last job. And everyone there has been so nice (another improvement from my last job).

The only downside is the training schedule... I had to be there at 9am yesterday. Nine. AM. Yeah, that's AM as in morning. As I'm sure you all know by now, I don't do mornings. I have to be there at 9:30 tomorrow morning... fml.

On a positive note, I got to sample a bunch of the bar drinks today. Yay alcohol! I'm not gonna lie, I got a little buzzed. Luckily, we also got to sample some of the signature dishes, so at least I got some food in my stomach before I burst into giggles or tripped over anything.

We'll see how this new job goes... at the very least, my teeth are insured.

P.S. I know you'd never kill me, Mom.

Crash

I've never been in a car accident before. I've been backed into by a woman in a minivan in a gas station parking lot, but that's about it. If you've never been in one, let me tell you, it's the scariest thing you can ever (hopefully) walk away from.

We walked around downtown Helen because we had nothing to do and the day off. We popped into a bunch of shops and just looked around, ending with a magic shop next to Wendy's. The guy behind the counter amazed us with some magic card and coin tricks, and was a generally fun and friendly person. We walked away laughing and talking about the tricks. Then we got in the car.

We were bitching about how the SUV in front of us kept crossing the double yellow lines because it couldn't handle the tight curves. My friend was driving fast, too fast for the roads with trees and rocks to the right and a long forested downward slope to the left. I closed my eyes because I was scared, and I was clutching the handhold on the door. I heard screeching tires, a muffled curseword from the driver, and then crashes and bangs and there was no gravity and everything was hitting me and it was so loud....

I was hanging upside down, the driver was reaching for me, frantically asking if I was ok over and over again. I managed to unbuckle my seatbelt and sat on the roof of the car, assuring him that I was pretty sure I was unhurt, and begging him to stay calm until we got out of this situation. My door was in the embankment, and his was too heavy for me to open upwards, but I managed to roll the window down and crawl out of the car with help from several motorists who stopped to help.

The next hour was a blur of people asking if I was ok, asking what happened, asking if they could call someone for us... I remember being so relieved that my phone was unhurt and working, so I could call my mom and tell her what happened. I remember crawling back into the car to retrieve my purse and jacket, which were neatly tucked under my floormat. I was so happy that I still had cigarettes. I sat on the side of the road, chain smoking, shaking like mad and staring at the wreck. There was a gash on the tree next to the car where we had flown off the road and hit the tree. The gash was about 6 or 7 feet off the ground. The back windows were broken, random car parts were strewn around the point of impact. I numbly listened to the police officer question the driver and offer his own speculations, thinking "how in the hell am I still alive? how did I not die just now?"

The cop dropped us off at Huddle House, where I ate 4 bites of a waffle and begged the driver to keep it together. I was so mad at him for being stupid, but I was so shaken up and scared and traumatized that if he started to lose it... I just couldn't handle that. He told me he didn't know how much longer he could keep it together, so I got up and walked to the Wendy's down the street. I haven't seen him since.

I still had a couple hours to wait before Sully showed up to take me home, so I just sat at a table and listened to my iPod and tried desperately not to think about the wreck. It wasn't working, and I knew I was on the verge of a total meltdown. Just then, the guy from the magic shop walked in and got food. He sat down on the other side of the restaurant from me. I debated for about 2 seconds, and then got up and walked over to him.

"Hey. Do you remember me? Can I sit with you? I know this is random, but I just got in a wreck, and I'm about to freak out. I just need someone to talk to."

"Yeah, sit, sit! Oh my god, what happened? Are you ok?"

I sat there with him until he finished his dinner, letting him talk about everything from the history of "magic" to his band. It gave me something to focus on and respond to, and my anxiety eased to a bearable point. I thanked him profusely for letting me hang out with him, and I promised him the next time I was in Helen, I'd be sure to stop by and buy some magic tricks from him.

Sully got out of his car and I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. He gently pushed me back and examined the cuts and bruises on my neck, my ribs, my arm, and then said "Where is he?" in a dangerous voice. I wanted so badly to tell Sully, to watch as he hurt that sonofabitch that was so careless and stupid, but I needed him to stay with me, so I said I didn't know. Which was true. I wasn't sure where he had gone or if his ride had picked him up yet. But I know I made the right choice.

I'm in bed, sore as a motherfucker, but alive and unhurt. Sully took me to the ER last night to double check a few troubling spots, but all is well. I still don't know how I feel about all of this. I'm still so so angry with the driver, but I'm just so happy to be alive, I don't even have the energy for anger. I don't think I could ever be his friend ever again, but I don't think I hate him. I blame him for his part, but I could have said "slow down" and he would have. Shit happens. I got really really lucky this time, and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.

Wear your seatbelts, people.

Let's play a board game.

I think I'm going crazy. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't hold on to a thought for more than a minute without losing my train of thought... and then I can't remember what I was thinking about to begin with. I have so many things I should be thinking about, but I am truly incapable of thinking of them. My mind jumps to thoughts of lasers or catwoman. I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything but just sit and stare at the wall or ceiling. And if I can't focus my eyes on something, I'll just close them. I'm fading away. I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself. I think I've finally snapped. I'm an emotionless zombie with no thoughts or feelings or anything. I exist. That's all. I feel like that should bother me, but I can't seem to conjure up the energy to be scared. Oh well. There's a bit of wall I haven't stared at yet... I'd better get to it.

Dislike button

Boys are dumb. Here's a list of other stuff I think is dumb:

Auto-correct on my phone

Rednecks

Nascar

College sports fanatics who freak out over stupid stuff

Pro sports fanatics who freak out over stupid stuff

Cancer

Stingrays

Oatmeal that's deceptively hot and burns my tongue at 11:23am

Boys

Cheapskates

Bills

Taxes

Criminals (Except for Danny Ocean, he's alright in my book)

Rude people

Poverty

Boys

Restaurant GMs

Minimum wage

Rabid dogs

Drunk drivers

Bad drivers

"Rims" on a car

Losing stuff... phone, keys, socks, etc

Parents who leave their kids

Parents who abuse their kids

Parents who dress their kids in matching sailor outfits (*cough cough* MOM....)

Bluetooth headsets

Broken stuff

Getting up early

Boys

Dirty dishes

Splinters

Papercuts

Cauliflower

People who talk during a movie

People who talk on their cell phones obnoxiously loud in public

There's lots more but that'll do for now.

My boyfriend drives me crazy.

Yesterday marked the end of the first year of dating Sully. It's not that big of a deal, really. I mean, our first anniversary? Who really cares? Well he decided that since we were both off work and since Valentine's Day is next week, we should do something cute and romantic. Really, Sully? He whisked me away to Atlanta and dragged me around the GA Aquarium (I'd never been), and then we checked in at one of the nicest historic hotels in the city and dropped off our bags in our suite... which was literally bigger than our apartment. Oh, and get this stupid crap... we were on the 16th floor, so we had an incredible view from all 4 windows in our corner bedroom, including a view of the "beautiful" Fox Theater. So if that wasn't enough to make me want to kill him, then he makes me put on my favorite dress and drags me to my favorite Italian restaurant, where he shared a bottle of wine with me and let me talk his ear off about when I was homeschooled. Can you believe this guy? I rolled my eyes when he hailed a cab and took me to an artsy, dark, intimate European coffeehouse with the most delicious cocktails in the city and held my hand across the table as we nibbled on the most delectable chocolate cake. I was just about ready to scream at him in frustration when we finally got back to the hotel for a few more cocktails in the posh bar... Then this morning, he woke me up with a kiss and carried my bag for me all the way to the Marta station.

I keep thinking I should break up with him, I mean just look at how he treats me! Gah he always does the most annoying things like take me to get fast food when I'm hungry and nothing at the house sounds good. And OH my god, when he cooks for me? I swear I almost just walk out every time. He holds my hand when we cross the street, he puts a protective arm around me when I'm anxious, he always puts me first--every single day. He tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm his dream girl. He puts up with me when I'm tipsy and stumbling around, he laughs at my stupid jokes, he kisses me so sweetly when I'm upset, he takes care of me in every way. I don't know how I found this guy, but of COURSE I'm the girl he wants around, so I have to deal with all that awful stuff....

He's the worst boyfriend ever. I can't believe I'm stuck with him for the rest of my life. I just hope I live until I'm 120.

Simple Solutions

My car has been dead for almost a year now... but it hasn't really been dead. The brakes were broken (I don't know car stuff, so "broken" is all I can say) so I was trying to sell it as a junker. But I have a mechanic friend who finally took a look at it, and I discovered that a mere $60 and an afternoon of work would get my dear sweet 1992 Nissan Sentra running well enough to get me to and from work. I'm so excited. It will make life so much easier!

Then I got to thinking... how many times in life do we look at a problem and crumple in defeat instead of solving it when the solution is relatively simple? I know I do it all the time. There are times when a minor problem can seem like a brick wall, and maybe we just don't notice the unlocked door slightly to the left... but when we do, it makes victory that much sweeter. If I had fixed my car right after it broke, I would have been mildly relieved, but not overjoyed. But months of sharing a car with Sully have made me fully appreciate how nice it is to have my own car. And now that I'm only a few days away from driving my sweet Nannette (yes, she has a name), I'm bouncing in my seat. I suppose it's a fair trade... giving up too easily and feeling dumb, but then getting this excitement and newfound appreciation for the solution.

It's like all those old sayings "you can't know the sunlight without the darkness" and "you can't know love until you understand heartbreak." Life really is all about the give and take. The bad makes you appreciate the good, and the good makes up for the bad. I can think back to so many times that I've lost something or missed out on something, but then I end up being happier in the long run... either it's a renewed appreciation for my car, or pride in my independence, or new friends. Even when life beats the hell out of me and scissor kicks me in the back of the head, there's always something that makes up for it... eventually. I have this twisted mindset about negative things. If karma is a bitch to those who do bad stuff, karma is really nice to people who don't do bad stuff but who have bad stuff happen to them. Soooo.... if I have a really bad night at work, I'll start thinking "ok, this means I have a really awesome night coming up" and surely enough, it happens. So bring on the bad! I'll just keep adding up my karma points and look forward to the awesomeness that is sure to come.

Call it optimism, call it crazy, I don't really care what you call it. It keeps me from murdering my managers or my boyfriend or my cat or my friends on a daily basis. Cheers to sanity.

Morning? Wtf is that?

I've officially become nocturnal. I wake up at 3 or 4pm every day, work from 5 to midnight or later, (sometimes 4am) and repeat. I never do anything until very late at night. But very late at night is my favorite time of day... it's dark, most people are sleeping, I can watch movies and facebook stalk people without getting distracted by phone calls or text messages... I'm kind of a loner, so the wee hours of the morning are when I feel safest. And yet, it's nice to interact. I like having friends who are on the same schedule, because we can just chit chat all night without worrying about actually hanging out... I feel like I can express myself most accurately at 4:00am. But then there are nights when liquor interferes... and then I can't express myself at all! Sooooo, goodnight. Because I've been drinking lots of liquor.

For you, Jade.

Miss Jade Danielle Matthews,

You're awesome. Seriously. You rock my socks. If I was the same age as you, and we were in school together, you'd be the cool girl I'd try to be friends with, even though I'm a total nerd. That's how cool I think you are.

Thanks for being so nice to me when I first met you. I was so nervous to meet you... I know from experience with Phil that if little sister doesn't approve, girlfriend gets kicked to the curb. I'm glad you've given Jake permission to date me.

Please continue to be as cool as you are. You're one of my favorite people....like, ever. I'm looking forward to you and your friends coming and spending the night here so we can play Call of Duty and LEGO Harry Potter together and eat that pint of Ben & Jerry's I promised you.

Love,

Your big sister :)

For you, Sully.

September 3, 2011

Well, my fabulous tan is finally fading. What a summer it's been. Vegas, St. George Island, Chicago, the move to Jacksonville, FL. How we scraped the pennies to do all of it, I'll never figure out.

Although I'll never be able to pick a favorite part, it was so good to finally meet my little twin cousins... they're a year old now, I can barely believe it. After I showed Sully all the best parts of Chicago... street festivals where my uncle's band performed, Millennium Park, The Shedd Aquarium, the fabulous architecture, Navy Pier, all the wonderful places from my childhood... he was just as smitten with the Windy City as I am. BUT we're not really into the whole "pay $17,000,000 a month just to live in a crappy studio in Southside" so we decided to move to Jacksonville instead. But we'll get to that later...

Vegas, oh Vegas.... what happens there stays there, right? As much as I'd like to say that Sully and I won thousands of dollars in the casinos, the truth of the matter is we blew most of our savings on that trip. But holy crap was it worth it. The casinos, the clubs, the shows... all of it was exactly like I'd been dreaming. Granted, most of it is now a drunken blur, but the pictures prove we had a great time.

The beach? Well that was just plain fantastic. The usual stuff, getting sunburned while drinking on the beach, getting sunburned while drinking on the boat, getting sunburned while drinking out on the tiny town... getting stoned on the beach at 3 am with my mother... just kidding! But wouldn't that be awesome? It was a very relaxing trip, and I know my brother and new sister in law needed some time away from real life before the baby gets here (in just another month!!!!). I know my mom loved having all the kids there with her, after all, we were there to celebrate her 50th birthday, so it was all about mom. :)

I can hardly believe we've been in Jacksonville for almost a month now. It still seems like we just got the keys to our new place. The cats are still getting used to having the extra square footage and another bedroom (wow!) to run around in. I've been making excellent money waiting tables here, but it's kinda what I do. Sully is making friends quickly, like he always does, and his little sister has plans to come stay with us for a long weekend in a couple of months. Life is hectic and crazy, but I love it.

January 25, 2011

That's how I want things to go down. But no matter how it all works out, it's going to be a fun summer.

Parenting. Or not.

People, we need to have a talk. If you have children, please make sure they are housebroken before taking them into public places, especially restaurants. Housebroken means a few things: being able to feed yourself without dumping 87% of your meal on the floor OR being fed by an adult, being able to answer direct questions with your inside voice, being able to stay in your chair for the duration of the meal (excluding the inevitable 9 trips to the bathroom), and being able to keep your hands to yourself when your waitress has a huge tray of food precariously balanced on one hand. Now parents, contrary to popular belief, it is YOUR responsibility to train your offspring to be human, not the school system, not the day care center, not the TV.... it's all on you. So when your child starts yelling at a waitress or cashier like some 5 year old tyrant, maybe you need to go buy some parenting books, because YOU ARE FAILING. In rare cases, there are children who have disorders or disabilities that make yelling at random adults acceptable, but little boy whom I almost murdered with my bare hands last night is not one of them.

So I walk up to the table...

"Hi! My name is Kaitlyn, I'll be your server this evening. Just to let you know, we have some specials to--"

"UMMMMM"

"-night that I'd like to tell you about--"

"UMMMMMMMMM"

"Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"UMMMM I WAAAAANT VAULT. PEACH."

"Ok, a peach vault for the little guy" (the little guy being about 5 or 6). I turn to the parents to get their drink order...

"NOOOOOO!!!!! I SAID VAULT!!!! PEAAAAACH!!!!! WAAAAAAAH!!!!!" No exaggeration folks. This kid literally screamed at me at the top of his tiny lungs because he thought Vault peach and peach Vault were two different things. And what did the parents do? Blush and hurry to quiet the unruly child? Apologize to me and threaten the young one with a spanking? No no no. Of course not. This woman actually laughed in that "oh he's so cute isn't he?" kind of way and then looked at me and said "vault peach for him hehehehe" like she was PROUD of the little monster!!!!! I stared at her completely expressionless until the father (who was very fat and had a lazy eye, no joke) mumbled something that sounded like "diet coke."

I fetched their beverages and returned to the table. The little boy had a kids menu in front of him, which typically makes me assume he'd be ordering from the kids menu, right? And items from the kids menu get a kids sized drink, right? So what do I bring the peach Vault in? A kids cup, of course! This didn't fly with lazy eye jr.

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHH I WANT A BIG CUPPPP!!!!! WAAAAAAAH!!!!"

This is not the first time this has happened to me, kids of that age are touchy about the dimensions of their plasticware. I smile knowingly, expecting the parents to step in and intervene in their child's public insanity. BUT THEY FUCKING MADE ME GET HIM A BIG CUP!!!! At this point, I was convinced the parents must be retarded. Like actually mentally handicapped. I almost pitied them for a moment and thought "wow, good for you guys! you made a kid and you're out in public all by yourselves! way to go!" but then the little shit says "UMMMM YOU FORGOT TO GIVE US STRAWS!!!" and the mother giggled and tousled his hair. No. Your kid is not cute. He's rude and bratty. Wake the fuck up.

And for the love of all that is holy, if you're bringing a 2 year old to a restaurant, please do one of two things. Either monitor your child so he doesn't make a huge mess, or leave more than TEN PERCENT for a tip. Actually, leave 18% because when I have to spend 10 minutes cleaning up after your messy kid, not only am I pissed off, but I'm losing money. The only way a server makes money is by turning tables quickly. So when one of my tables is out of commission because it's filthy from YOUR child and you've only left me $2 on $56.74, you've now cost me 2 tips. Neat.

Bottom line, people, you'd better be a good parent or a really good tipper, or karma is gonna kick you in the back of the head with a steel toed boot... or at least I'll be crossing my fingers that it does.

Lalalalalaaaaaa

I like to sing. Not the normal people version of singing which involves pitch and tune and melody, but the jam-out-in-my-car-like-I'm-on-drugs kind of singing. For example... I don't have the best range. I most certainly cannot hit the high notes, but that doesn't stop me from singing along with Kelly Clarkson and Katy Perry at the top of my lungs while on my way to work. And I don't just sing, I dance. Or flail. Whatever. I point to the windshield whenever I sing "you" and place my hand violently on my chest when I sing "me" and I make ridiculous faces to express the emotion of the song.

Anyone who has heard "But, Honestly" by the Foo Fighters can probably relate to this story...

So I'm driving to Walmart, jamming to Echoes, Silence, Patience, Grace (Foo Fighter's album) which is a pretty jamtastic album in general. Well, I turn it to But, Honestly and start to sing and bounce around and flail-dance as I pull into the parking lot. Quick fact about me... I have what I call music OCD. If you change a song before it's over, and especially you evil fuckers who listen to half a song, change it, half of another song, change it... I hate you. I really really really hate you. Because I do not like to stop listening until the song is OVER. Completely over. So... I pull into a parking spot between 2 huge trucks with no one in them and sit in my car to complete my listening experience. "I give it to you... I give it to you....." JAM OUT FREAKTASTIC AWESOME MUSIC WOOOO (listen to it on youtube 3:10 is what I'm talking about), and I'm in my car with the volume blasting, semi-headbanging, making funny faces and singing so loud that my eyes are closed. And then I start drumming on my steering wheel like I'm a badass... which I'm not. Once the song fades out, I turn to switch off the stereo and notice out of the corner of my eye that the big truck on my right has changed colors. Which means that in my mini seizure, the driver returned to his truck, left and another truck pulled in without me noticing. Well driver #2 sure noticed me. He was standing next to his vehicle, hand still on the door, staring at me open mouthed. This is the point when a normal person would get out of their car and start walking into Walmart, but there was no way in hell I was getting out of my car until he stopped staring at me. My face blood red, I fiddled with my phone and pretended to text or something until the guy got the hint and ambled off towards the entrance. I waited a full 3 minutes before exiting my car and going about my shopping. Driver #2, if you read this, you can just go to hell because I was jamming out to some quality music in the privacy of my little car and if you want to judge, then go judge someone else. So there.

But man oh man am I looking forward to the playlist of showtunes I have lined up for my commute to work today... better start warming up my voice!

Snow Day

I live in Georgia, where we rarely get enough snow to even count as snow. So when we do get those 4-5 inches of white fluffy stuff on the ground, people freak out. It doesn't help that in these parts, snow inevitably turns into treacherous black ice within a day of the pretty precipitation.

So today is a snow day. Sully was supposed to work all day, but his place of work is closed, and I'm still waiting to hear if Restaurant is going to make me come in to work at 5. But for now, it's a real life snow day.

I find myself thinking of my childhood today. Sully and I watched old school cartoons and made cinnamon rolls, and he crawled back in bed for a nap. We're going to play in the snow later, we had pizza for lunch and dinner yesterday, so I'm thinking we have 2 awesome sleds, courtesy of Papa John. I used to love sledding. I lived in Maryland when I was 6-10 years old, and the very first time I saw snow (I lived in Miami up until my 6th birthday) was the blizzard of '96 and we got FOUR FEET of snow. Four feet. That's taller than I was at the time. We have pictures somewhere of my brother smiling up at my mother from the backyard, all that was visible was his little head, and if you look closely, you can see the top of my hat next to him.

We lived in a subdivision on the shores of Lake Elkhorn in Columbia, Maryland, and there were the BEST sledding hills in the world a few hundred feet from our backyard. I remember building ramps out of snow and trying to go faster and farther as we sledded all day long. I remember coming inside and being ushered directly into the laundry room by Mom who demanded we take off all of our wet clothes and put them in the dryer. Hot chocolate and cartoons usually followed before we headed out for round 2 of sledding and snow ball fights and snow fort building and general frolicking. That was a fun winter. I have such vivid memories of sitting in front of the window with my mother and watching the fat snowflakes fall to the ground.

I remember that my brother lost one of his Mortal Kombat action figures in the snow that winter and I found it the next spring. I remember how my friend went a little too far on her sled and ended up in the lake. I remember the unbelievably cool igloo we built with the neighborhood kids and dads. I remember so many fun and happy things from those winters up North. Days like today put me back there, and I wear this nostalgic smile even as I sit at my laptop, listening to Sully snore.

And holy cow, I was google-ing to try and find pictures of the hills by Lake Elkhorn and I found a picture of my old house... too cool.

Dream Life

My perception of reality has become so skewed the past few days... maybe its the new years induced binge drinking, maybe its the stressful atmosphere my home has become since the last hours of 2010, but for whatever reason, I can't keep reality and my dreams sorted out.

I had a dream last night that I was sitting next to Sully in a circle of people I vaguely know. We were all sitting in folding chairs in some sort of classroom, and we were laughing and taking turns choosing topics to discuss, and when it was my turn, I looked at the door to the room and saw two people standing there... two people who have been my truest, dearest friends and who have loved me without hesitation and who knew/know me better than anyone on this planet, the two friends I had hurt and betrayed and abandoned when I needed them the most: Isaac and Paul. Dream-Isaac waved; he was the friend I had abandoned many years ago but have since returned to a sort of halfway friendship with. He smiled and snickered a little as I turned my attention back to the group and loudly said "ok, who's been a little gay in the past????" and laughed and watched the others raise their hands or call out to each other in response, but I wasn't really watching. My eyes wandered back to the doorway, where now only dream-Paul remained. The look on his face was one of great sadness but understanding. He shrugged and turned away. I know I'd hurt them both in the past, but this new betrayal was so fresh in my mind that the guilt was overwhelming. I stood up to chase after him and apologize and beg for forgiveness and say "I didn't really mean it!!" But Sully was at my side, holding me down with an arm around my shoulders and a smile. But he wasn't really holding me down, he was reminding me why I wanted to stay in my chair. There are far too many similarities to my real life to even begin to analyze that one.

I also had a dream that I got fired for bringing my pet ostrich to work with me and I eventually sword fought my manager to the death in order to keep my job. Weird. I won't analyze that one either.

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I sat on the couch in the dark and in the silence with a glass of water and just thought thought thought. I daydreamed about what life would be like if this that or the other thing were different and what my future will look like if things stay the way they are now and if I'm really happy and what do I really want etc etc etc. I came up with all sorts of scenarios and daydreams and now I'm having trouble sorting out what were conscious thoughts and what were random, dream induced madness. I'm pretty sure the ostrich one was a normal dream, but then again, I've had crazier daydreams....

I'll return to my funny stories in a few days, but for now my life is a little topsy turvy and I'm way too emo and confused to be funny. Oh well. The ostrich dream was funny, right? I didn't come up with purposely, but whatever.