I'm in a good mood today.

I went to a party last night. It's been a while since I've gotten together with a group of friends like that, so it made it even more fun. I had to work at noon (I told you I love this job), so I got enough sleep to sober me up, but I was exhausted at work. Luckily, I got off at 3, came home and crawled into bed. I played some Lego Batman after my nap. I love those games. They're just really cute puzzle games... and c'mon folks, some of my favorite things in life are Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Harry Potter and any and all super heroes. So that put me in a good mood. Then Sully got home and we hung out all evening and ordered pizza. Now I'm facebook stalking my friends and listening to mellow music, relaxed because I don't have to work until noon again tomorrow.

I have fun plans for the weekend. Sully is flying out to Vegas to see my brother, so I'll be having a few girlfriends spend the night for a girls' night in. Friday I have plans to go to a concert with my buddy Josie, and Sunday I'm having lunch with my mom and grandmother for my grandmother's birthday. An action packed weekend! That's rare for me these days!

So I'm in a very good mood. Like I said, karma. Bad car wreck.... awesome new job and happy life. :)

More fun with dreams...

I had a dream the other night. Somehow, I was back in junior year of high school but I knew I was time travelling... like a memory in the Harry Potter pensieve thing, if you know what I mean... and you'd better. So,I was back in my 2005 body, but my mind was still in 2011. And of course, as dreams go, I wasn't really freaked out to be there. I was standing in my old Biology classroom, trying to remember where to sit.

Did I sit by Marshall in this class? Or was it Amy? I sat over in that seat for homeroom, but where did I sit for this class???

When I finally sat down, I started smiling to myself.

Those two are married now, but they barely even know each other's names right now! Oh, wow, she's so skinny again... Ha! Steven.... oh the fun we will have in another year or so...

Everyone seemed so young and fresh and naive, even though I remember how intimidated I used to be by all of them. The boy a few rows back from me used to make my life hell, but all I could see was his acne and poor fashion sense. The girl on my left was my first friend in that school, but I haven't spoken to her since graduation.... it went on and on as my eyes went to each person in the room and conjured up some dusty old memory of them. It all seemed so long ago to 2011 me, but it was happening right now. Trippy. The bell rang and we changed classes.

Now it was senior year, and I was standing in the art classroom, trying to remember where I sat. I looked over and saw Lexi, the girl who was the dearest friend I ever had, and I miss her so much every day. We became friends senior year and stayed close through college, and I when I moved down to Florida for a summer, she went with me and we had the most incredible summer of our lives. Sadly, boys, money and typical girl drama bullshit ended the friendship, but I wish more than anything I could have her back in my life... But I digress.

So I see Lexi sitting there, and I go over and sit across from her. She leans across the table and whispers "is this where we sat back then? I can't remember...." I realized that she must be time travelling too, so I whisper back "yeah, right here. This is the class we met each other in, remember? And then we have to sit at Lunch together and talk about the Amanda and Brittany crap, and that's how we become best friends!"

The whispered conversation continued, and we were both keenly aware that we weren't staying in the past for long, so anything we did had to be exactly the way it was done in 2006, or else we'd wake up and our lives would be totally fucked up. Kind of like that Butterfly Effect movie. We talked on and on about what exactly had to happen, and then everything fizzled away.

That was really all there was to the dream. When I woke up, I was so overwhelmed by everything I'd just seen and felt. Mostly just amusement , but in the very front of my mind was my longing for the friendship I had lost. I didn't realize how much she meant to me until that dream, which is sad, because it's been almost 2 years since we called each other "best friend." She was my sister, my other half, my puzzle piece. We cried on each other's shoulders after breakups and laughed at crazy stupid TV shows and texted all day and got drunk together and got high together for the first time and she was literally the first person I told when I lost my "v-card" in high school.

The really sad part about this story is that its probably too late to even partially mend things, let alone get back that friendship we used to have. We talk every once in a while these days, but she lives hundreds of miles away now, and we both have very full lives.

I haven't had a friend like that since Lexi. I have friends, some of which I'm very close to, but she was my sister. There's no other way to say it. We weren't just besties, we shared a brain.

I miss her.

"it looks like a damn tostada on your head!"

"can i have your numba?"

"se-curity"

"WHY don't you love me ANYMORE?!"

"don't be mean to KAIT!"

"This time we're not giving up. Let's make this last forever. Singing Hallelujah, we'll make it last forever!"

Adult-iness

I feel like such a grown up. I don't like it. I'm only 21! I'm moving to Neverland or something. (Not MJ's house... the Peter Pan one). Get this: I signed up for dental insurance today... dental insurance. Can you think of anything more boring and adult-y (not to be confused with adultery, because that's really bad.)?? And I've been going to the gym. Bleh. I hate exercise. But for some reason, I love going to the gym! What the hell is wrong with me? And don't say I'm "growing up" because then I might vomit. I'm comforted by the fact that I spent a good 20 minutes talking to my cat yesterday. Even if I grow up, at least I'll always be crazy. Dental insurance. Ugh.

Oh, and I signed up for life insurance too. Don't tell my mom though, because she's my beneficiary. If I die, she'll get 20 grand.... so if I turn up mysteriously dead.... you'll know who to investigate.

I just started a new job (still waiting tables, but for a better company) and it seems like a pretty sweet setup. I mean c'mon, they offer even their part time tipped employees health, dental, vision, life, and disability insurance... so they must like their employees at least a little bit. MAJOR improvement from my last job. And everyone there has been so nice (another improvement from my last job).

The only downside is the training schedule... I had to be there at 9am yesterday. Nine. AM. Yeah, that's AM as in morning. As I'm sure you all know by now, I don't do mornings. I have to be there at 9:30 tomorrow morning... fml.

On a positive note, I got to sample a bunch of the bar drinks today. Yay alcohol! I'm not gonna lie, I got a little buzzed. Luckily, we also got to sample some of the signature dishes, so at least I got some food in my stomach before I burst into giggles or tripped over anything.

We'll see how this new job goes... at the very least, my teeth are insured.

P.S. I know you'd never kill me, Mom.

Crash

I've never been in a car accident before. I've been backed into by a woman in a minivan in a gas station parking lot, but that's about it. If you've never been in one, let me tell you, it's the scariest thing you can ever (hopefully) walk away from.

We walked around downtown Helen because we had nothing to do and the day off. We popped into a bunch of shops and just looked around, ending with a magic shop next to Wendy's. The guy behind the counter amazed us with some magic card and coin tricks, and was a generally fun and friendly person. We walked away laughing and talking about the tricks. Then we got in the car.

We were bitching about how the SUV in front of us kept crossing the double yellow lines because it couldn't handle the tight curves. My friend was driving fast, too fast for the roads with trees and rocks to the right and a long forested downward slope to the left. I closed my eyes because I was scared, and I was clutching the handhold on the door. I heard screeching tires, a muffled curseword from the driver, and then crashes and bangs and there was no gravity and everything was hitting me and it was so loud....

I was hanging upside down, the driver was reaching for me, frantically asking if I was ok over and over again. I managed to unbuckle my seatbelt and sat on the roof of the car, assuring him that I was pretty sure I was unhurt, and begging him to stay calm until we got out of this situation. My door was in the embankment, and his was too heavy for me to open upwards, but I managed to roll the window down and crawl out of the car with help from several motorists who stopped to help.

The next hour was a blur of people asking if I was ok, asking what happened, asking if they could call someone for us... I remember being so relieved that my phone was unhurt and working, so I could call my mom and tell her what happened. I remember crawling back into the car to retrieve my purse and jacket, which were neatly tucked under my floormat. I was so happy that I still had cigarettes. I sat on the side of the road, chain smoking, shaking like mad and staring at the wreck. There was a gash on the tree next to the car where we had flown off the road and hit the tree. The gash was about 6 or 7 feet off the ground. The back windows were broken, random car parts were strewn around the point of impact. I numbly listened to the police officer question the driver and offer his own speculations, thinking "how in the hell am I still alive? how did I not die just now?"

The cop dropped us off at Huddle House, where I ate 4 bites of a waffle and begged the driver to keep it together. I was so mad at him for being stupid, but I was so shaken up and scared and traumatized that if he started to lose it... I just couldn't handle that. He told me he didn't know how much longer he could keep it together, so I got up and walked to the Wendy's down the street. I haven't seen him since.

I still had a couple hours to wait before Sully showed up to take me home, so I just sat at a table and listened to my iPod and tried desperately not to think about the wreck. It wasn't working, and I knew I was on the verge of a total meltdown. Just then, the guy from the magic shop walked in and got food. He sat down on the other side of the restaurant from me. I debated for about 2 seconds, and then got up and walked over to him.

"Hey. Do you remember me? Can I sit with you? I know this is random, but I just got in a wreck, and I'm about to freak out. I just need someone to talk to."

"Yeah, sit, sit! Oh my god, what happened? Are you ok?"

I sat there with him until he finished his dinner, letting him talk about everything from the history of "magic" to his band. It gave me something to focus on and respond to, and my anxiety eased to a bearable point. I thanked him profusely for letting me hang out with him, and I promised him the next time I was in Helen, I'd be sure to stop by and buy some magic tricks from him.

Sully got out of his car and I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder. He gently pushed me back and examined the cuts and bruises on my neck, my ribs, my arm, and then said "Where is he?" in a dangerous voice. I wanted so badly to tell Sully, to watch as he hurt that sonofabitch that was so careless and stupid, but I needed him to stay with me, so I said I didn't know. Which was true. I wasn't sure where he had gone or if his ride had picked him up yet. But I know I made the right choice.

I'm in bed, sore as a motherfucker, but alive and unhurt. Sully took me to the ER last night to double check a few troubling spots, but all is well. I still don't know how I feel about all of this. I'm still so so angry with the driver, but I'm just so happy to be alive, I don't even have the energy for anger. I don't think I could ever be his friend ever again, but I don't think I hate him. I blame him for his part, but I could have said "slow down" and he would have. Shit happens. I got really really lucky this time, and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.

Wear your seatbelts, people.