I sometimes wonder what my cat must think of me. There are times when I’ll scoop him up and cuddle him to my face while saying nonsense things like “I wuv my widdle Ozzykins! My widdle kiddy cat! Yurrrrr soooo cuuuute!!!” And he’ll just stare at me like “Mom. Seriously?” And at other times, I’ll laugh out loud at the TV or an internet thing or a book and he’ll walk up to me as though saying “What the hell are you laughing at, woman?” like he’s all better than me and stuff. Which he’s not. I control the food! God forbid I go to smoke a cigarette. The whole time I’m out on the porch, I can see his reproachful little eyes judging me through the window. I have honestly put out well over half a cigarette and returned to my computer chair because I can’t stand the judgment. You could say that he only stares at me because he wants me to come back in so he can sit on my lap and be petted, but this is a lie. He hates that I smoke. I can tell. He is judging.
And what must he think of sex? Seeing Sully and I completely naked, making funny noises and wiggling around in bed together must make no sense to him at all. He likes to lie on my pillow and watch, which is an incredibly creepy thing to notice mid-sex. I feel all embarrassed and I am overwhelmed by a desire to cover up. How does he do that?!?! My cat makes me feel like a shameless hussy… my CAT makes me feel like I’m being indecent.
But I know the little fucker loves me. Anytime I am in an even slightly seated or reclined position, he’ll find a way to lay on me. He doesn’t curl up in my lap like a normal cat; he’ll sprawl over my limbs and joints like he’s the most comfortable cat in the world, even though he’s being slightly impaled by my elbow. He’ll purr for no other reason than being close to me. He can see into my soul with his big grey eyes, and somehow he knows when I need comforting and he’ll project all his love and adoration out of those eyes and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Maybe Oswald has the right idea, maybe I am insane…
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