Let's play a board game.

I think I'm going crazy. I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't hold on to a thought for more than a minute without losing my train of thought... and then I can't remember what I was thinking about to begin with. I have so many things I should be thinking about, but I am truly incapable of thinking of them. My mind jumps to thoughts of lasers or catwoman. I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything but just sit and stare at the wall or ceiling. And if I can't focus my eyes on something, I'll just close them. I'm fading away. I'm broken and I don't know how to fix myself. I think I've finally snapped. I'm an emotionless zombie with no thoughts or feelings or anything. I exist. That's all. I feel like that should bother me, but I can't seem to conjure up the energy to be scared. Oh well. There's a bit of wall I haven't stared at yet... I'd better get to it.

Dislike button

Boys are dumb. Here's a list of other stuff I think is dumb:

Auto-correct on my phone

Rednecks

Nascar

College sports fanatics who freak out over stupid stuff

Pro sports fanatics who freak out over stupid stuff

Cancer

Stingrays

Oatmeal that's deceptively hot and burns my tongue at 11:23am

Boys

Cheapskates

Bills

Taxes

Criminals (Except for Danny Ocean, he's alright in my book)

Rude people

Poverty

Boys

Restaurant GMs

Minimum wage

Rabid dogs

Drunk drivers

Bad drivers

"Rims" on a car

Losing stuff... phone, keys, socks, etc

Parents who leave their kids

Parents who abuse their kids

Parents who dress their kids in matching sailor outfits (*cough cough* MOM....)

Bluetooth headsets

Broken stuff

Getting up early

Boys

Dirty dishes

Splinters

Papercuts

Cauliflower

People who talk during a movie

People who talk on their cell phones obnoxiously loud in public

There's lots more but that'll do for now.

My boyfriend drives me crazy.

Yesterday marked the end of the first year of dating Sully. It's not that big of a deal, really. I mean, our first anniversary? Who really cares? Well he decided that since we were both off work and since Valentine's Day is next week, we should do something cute and romantic. Really, Sully? He whisked me away to Atlanta and dragged me around the GA Aquarium (I'd never been), and then we checked in at one of the nicest historic hotels in the city and dropped off our bags in our suite... which was literally bigger than our apartment. Oh, and get this stupid crap... we were on the 16th floor, so we had an incredible view from all 4 windows in our corner bedroom, including a view of the "beautiful" Fox Theater. So if that wasn't enough to make me want to kill him, then he makes me put on my favorite dress and drags me to my favorite Italian restaurant, where he shared a bottle of wine with me and let me talk his ear off about when I was homeschooled. Can you believe this guy? I rolled my eyes when he hailed a cab and took me to an artsy, dark, intimate European coffeehouse with the most delicious cocktails in the city and held my hand across the table as we nibbled on the most delectable chocolate cake. I was just about ready to scream at him in frustration when we finally got back to the hotel for a few more cocktails in the posh bar... Then this morning, he woke me up with a kiss and carried my bag for me all the way to the Marta station.

I keep thinking I should break up with him, I mean just look at how he treats me! Gah he always does the most annoying things like take me to get fast food when I'm hungry and nothing at the house sounds good. And OH my god, when he cooks for me? I swear I almost just walk out every time. He holds my hand when we cross the street, he puts a protective arm around me when I'm anxious, he always puts me first--every single day. He tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm his dream girl. He puts up with me when I'm tipsy and stumbling around, he laughs at my stupid jokes, he kisses me so sweetly when I'm upset, he takes care of me in every way. I don't know how I found this guy, but of COURSE I'm the girl he wants around, so I have to deal with all that awful stuff....

He's the worst boyfriend ever. I can't believe I'm stuck with him for the rest of my life. I just hope I live until I'm 120.

Simple Solutions

My car has been dead for almost a year now... but it hasn't really been dead. The brakes were broken (I don't know car stuff, so "broken" is all I can say) so I was trying to sell it as a junker. But I have a mechanic friend who finally took a look at it, and I discovered that a mere $60 and an afternoon of work would get my dear sweet 1992 Nissan Sentra running well enough to get me to and from work. I'm so excited. It will make life so much easier!

Then I got to thinking... how many times in life do we look at a problem and crumple in defeat instead of solving it when the solution is relatively simple? I know I do it all the time. There are times when a minor problem can seem like a brick wall, and maybe we just don't notice the unlocked door slightly to the left... but when we do, it makes victory that much sweeter. If I had fixed my car right after it broke, I would have been mildly relieved, but not overjoyed. But months of sharing a car with Sully have made me fully appreciate how nice it is to have my own car. And now that I'm only a few days away from driving my sweet Nannette (yes, she has a name), I'm bouncing in my seat. I suppose it's a fair trade... giving up too easily and feeling dumb, but then getting this excitement and newfound appreciation for the solution.

It's like all those old sayings "you can't know the sunlight without the darkness" and "you can't know love until you understand heartbreak." Life really is all about the give and take. The bad makes you appreciate the good, and the good makes up for the bad. I can think back to so many times that I've lost something or missed out on something, but then I end up being happier in the long run... either it's a renewed appreciation for my car, or pride in my independence, or new friends. Even when life beats the hell out of me and scissor kicks me in the back of the head, there's always something that makes up for it... eventually. I have this twisted mindset about negative things. If karma is a bitch to those who do bad stuff, karma is really nice to people who don't do bad stuff but who have bad stuff happen to them. Soooo.... if I have a really bad night at work, I'll start thinking "ok, this means I have a really awesome night coming up" and surely enough, it happens. So bring on the bad! I'll just keep adding up my karma points and look forward to the awesomeness that is sure to come.

Call it optimism, call it crazy, I don't really care what you call it. It keeps me from murdering my managers or my boyfriend or my cat or my friends on a daily basis. Cheers to sanity.

Morning? Wtf is that?

I've officially become nocturnal. I wake up at 3 or 4pm every day, work from 5 to midnight or later, (sometimes 4am) and repeat. I never do anything until very late at night. But very late at night is my favorite time of day... it's dark, most people are sleeping, I can watch movies and facebook stalk people without getting distracted by phone calls or text messages... I'm kind of a loner, so the wee hours of the morning are when I feel safest. And yet, it's nice to interact. I like having friends who are on the same schedule, because we can just chit chat all night without worrying about actually hanging out... I feel like I can express myself most accurately at 4:00am. But then there are nights when liquor interferes... and then I can't express myself at all! Sooooo, goodnight. Because I've been drinking lots of liquor.