There are few things in this world worse than the urge to pee. Anyone who has ever been on a long drive with miles between gas stations or rest stops can empathize with this. First comes the denial and pep talk... "ok, you can make it another hour... no prob. Just relax, don't think about it, it's not so bad. Ha! I don't even have to pee, I'm fine! ...... turn the radio up, distract yourself..... mmmmmm ooookkkk.... no for real, you can do this. Just don't think about rivers or streams or... damnit, now I'm thinking about them and I really really REALLY have to pee.... ok where's the next exit?.... 30 MILES?!!!"
Then comes the wiggling and dancing and whimpering, followed by the Formula 1-speed turn into the rest stop and ripping the keys out of the ignition and half sprinting/half waddling to the bathroom where you slam the stall door and DAMN the asshole who invented button-fly jeans to hell and then sit and AHHHHHHhhhhhhh....... There's really nothing worse. Except...
Imagine that you're 20 feet from a bathroom for an hour while needing to empty your bladder desperately... but if you do take that potty break, your current financial assets will drop by 50%. You'll probably end up doing the potty dance and holding off the bathroom trip as long as you can. Humans have proven throughout time that few things will motivate us more than money.
As a server, I experience this on a daily basis. I'm perpetually forced to choose between fetching a guest's ranch dressing or alleviating my bladder's discomfort. If I do retrieve the requested condiments, my tip could stay at or increase to the desired 20% or higher, but I'll be sweating and breathing deeply while I do so, half-frenzied by my desire to run to the restroom. If I choose the toilet route, I could be sacrificing up to 10% of my tips.... which is bad. The urinary urge is manageable as long as I'm running around, but what really gets ya is standing at the computer terminal, ringing in an order, standing still and focusing on the screen. It's really quite awful. After refilling drinks and bringing napkins I finally have a few minutes reprieve and I escape to the facilities. My uniform includes an apron which is easier than breathing to tie and untie... unless I really have to pee. In those situations, the apron strings willfully choose to become hopelessly knotted and tangled, forcing me to shimmy out of it and frantically fumble at my belt buckle. You really can't understand what it is to suffer until you've worked an insanely busy weekend shift at a restaurant and have consumed wayyyy too much water/soda/tea/coffee...
Bottom line... if you sit in my section and I disappear for a bit... please consider that I might be peeing.
Yours truly,
Jane Waitress
Then comes the wiggling and dancing and whimpering, followed by the Formula 1-speed turn into the rest stop and ripping the keys out of the ignition and half sprinting/half waddling to the bathroom where you slam the stall door and DAMN the asshole who invented button-fly jeans to hell and then sit and AHHHHHHhhhhhhh....... There's really nothing worse. Except...
Imagine that you're 20 feet from a bathroom for an hour while needing to empty your bladder desperately... but if you do take that potty break, your current financial assets will drop by 50%. You'll probably end up doing the potty dance and holding off the bathroom trip as long as you can. Humans have proven throughout time that few things will motivate us more than money.
As a server, I experience this on a daily basis. I'm perpetually forced to choose between fetching a guest's ranch dressing or alleviating my bladder's discomfort. If I do retrieve the requested condiments, my tip could stay at or increase to the desired 20% or higher, but I'll be sweating and breathing deeply while I do so, half-frenzied by my desire to run to the restroom. If I choose the toilet route, I could be sacrificing up to 10% of my tips.... which is bad. The urinary urge is manageable as long as I'm running around, but what really gets ya is standing at the computer terminal, ringing in an order, standing still and focusing on the screen. It's really quite awful. After refilling drinks and bringing napkins I finally have a few minutes reprieve and I escape to the facilities. My uniform includes an apron which is easier than breathing to tie and untie... unless I really have to pee. In those situations, the apron strings willfully choose to become hopelessly knotted and tangled, forcing me to shimmy out of it and frantically fumble at my belt buckle. You really can't understand what it is to suffer until you've worked an insanely busy weekend shift at a restaurant and have consumed wayyyy too much water/soda/tea/coffee...
Bottom line... if you sit in my section and I disappear for a bit... please consider that I might be peeing.
Yours truly,
Jane Waitress
